Managing Dysregulation: Strategies for Parents and Caregivers

Portions of this blog were taken from “*What’s Behind Your Anger: And How to get in front of it” by Joe Lilly, LMSW posted Jan 8, 2019

Understanding Dysregulation in Children

Every parent has faced this situation. We've all been in public places like stores, schools, or even at home. What seems like a normal day can suddenly spiral out of control. You may catch the first signs, and then you know it’s coming. Whether your child is 3, 8, 12, or 16, once they are in a state of dysregulation, all bets are off.

The way a 3-year-old and a 16-year-old express this can be vastly different. However, for parents, the feeling of helplessness is very similar, regardless of their child’s age.

Changing Perspectives on Behavior

Our understanding of children's behavior has evolved. What we once labeled as a temper tantrum is now more accurately seen as a meltdown. We have come to recognize the emotional, developmental, social, and cognitive aspects that contribute to these occurrences. We now understand that children are not merely misbehaving or throwing tantrums. Instead, they are dysregulated.

Dysregulation refers to a disruption, abnormality, or impairment in how we process emotions and behaviors. Basically, we become dysregulated when our internal systems cannot achieve balance. Factors may include hunger (or "hanger," think Snickers commercial), an overstimulated sensory system, or a highly activated Fight, Flight, and Freeze response.

The Challenges of Dysregulation

When we see someone who is dysregulated, we often perceive their behavior as undesirable or disrespectful. However, we miss the internal struggle they are facing. Traditional attempts to control these outbursts often escalate the situation further.

It would be comforting to say there’s an easy fix, like a magic button. Unfortunately, that's not the case. However, there are proven strategies to decrease the frequency, intensity, and duration of dysregulation episodes. This process is known as co-regulation.

Key Strategies for Co-Regulation

Here are some essential strategies for navigating dysregulation effectively:

Immediate Grounding and Calming

Before approaching a dysregulated individual, it’s crucial for you to ground and calm yourself first. Once you are in a better state, you can model this calming behavior for the person experiencing dysregulation.

Cognitive and Behavioral Strategies

Learning to recognize and manage emotions is key. This process involves changing distressing thoughts and actions into calming ones. By making these adjustments, you can create a more soothing environment.

Self-Awareness and Identification

Encourage self-awareness in yourself and your child. This includes learning to identify and label feelings, and becoming aware of both internal (like physical sensations) and external triggers (such as situations that provoke stress).

Lifestyle and Self-Care

Taking care of ourselves is essential. Reflect on each challenging moment and use those lessons to prepare for the next. Self-care is a vital aspect of maintaining emotional balance.

Seek Support

Don’t hesitate to ask for help, whether from professionals or loved ones. Building a support network is crucial because no one can manage life's challenges alone. Reach out to a trusted friend, family member, or a support group for assistance.

Embracing the Journey of Self-Discovery

Implementing these strategies can lead to emotional balance and well-being. Individuals who navigate this path successfully can model desired behaviors for those around them.

It is important to remember that dysregulation is a common experience for many. With practice, patience, and support, managing its impact is not only achievable but can also lead to a more fulfilling life. At Lillybrook, we are committed to helping you find balance and foster a healthier, more regulated lifestyle.

By embracing the strategies outlined above, parents and caregivers can better manage dysregulation in both themselves and their children.